An open letter - My Story
- thehoneybunnyblog
- Sep 16, 2017
- 4 min read
Through out the years, we have been on and off, going back and fourth, you told me I was special and that you hadn't felt like this before. You chased me, knowing full well I do not fool around. Even when you have someone else you are still focused on me, you struggle to admit you have a weakness, I am it. You can't stay away, and I struggle to stay away from you.
We have a friendship under everything where you tell me things no one else knows, and that keeps making me think do we have something special or am I just the thing that you want but not want enough ? Even though you remember things from years ago which makes it even harder to understand what you actually want.
It's always about what you want and what you need, and how you feel, you never take into account how I feel, you are happy to blame me when my reaction is not what you wanted, you call me over the top, but what you don't understand is the way I react is exactly the same way any other person in this situation would act.
You pride yourself on being honest, but you not, if you were honest this wouldn't have happened.
You didn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated, you took advantage of who I am, and played the fact I am different from anyone else you have been with. You knew exactly what I expect from situations. But you still managed to make me feel like I didn't mean anything, that is partly my fault for letting you, but you should have known better. You have known me for a while it's not like I am just some random person you met. You can't accept the fact you made a mistake and you know it deep down. Which is why you constantly blame me and call me names, because it makes you feel like you didn't make a mistake. You didn't deserve the anything I gave you, nor did you deserve the tears I cried.
One day you will wake up and know you made a big mistake, I would have given you the world, when I truly care for someone I would give them everything to make them happy. Deep down you already know the mistake you made, because I understood you on a level that know one else did. You took that for granted and constantly put me down. But when you needed something I was the person you called. But when I needed you to drop everything for me when I was not in a good place, you didn't do anything, you let me go through it alone.
A nasty and brutal throat virus that highlighted the fact I was depressed and suffering from very high levels of anxiety. Then I had a massive Grand Mal seizure on Christmas Eve; being in hospital that night and most of Christmas day, having tests not knowing what was wrong with me. Having to be constantly monitored because me or my doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. Struggling to make sense of what was happening to my body & mind. I don't even really remember my birthday to highlight exactly how messed up I was. Then not even a month later I had another massive Grand Mal seizure at my house in Sutton. I spent another night & day in hospital, and was told I was epileptic & that I would be taking meds for the rest of my life. Can you imagine the impact of that frightening news? Other than my wonderful family & close friends I needed you to tell me everything was going to be ok. After taking my meds for less than a week, my emotions started to get out of control, I was in such a terrible place, I couldn't understand why this had to happen to me. My reactions to most things were completely out of my normal character and I honestly put my family through hell but because they love me, they understood I couldn't help it and that is wasn't me talking it was the medication. Can anyone really understand what it like when you can't control the impact you have on others, I was as low as can be. I picked myself up with the help and support of the people who love and care about me, & throughout the months I got stronger and stronger and I am a warrior, The Honey Bunny and fiercer than before.
Even though you should have been there to help me get through one of the toughest fights of my life and helping me pick up the pieces of my life. I still cared so much about you, in all honesty you let me down, and I am done being a play thing, you lost me, and I won't be coming back. I deserve someone who will cherish what I want to give and who will shower me with affection and love and will put me and my feelings first over everything else. That someone may not be here yet, but when that day comes, it will be one of the greatest days of my life.
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